"Life is fragile." Said Mom, after placing a cup in the sink.

I listen to her words with a slight ache in my stomach. The same ache I always feel after school, except it was approximately 6:00pm when it began. Today should have been fine. I was a burn out, maybe someone knew. D block always hits me like a brick. A very boring brick, consisting of more than an hour of endless numbers and formulas. I dread every quiz, wondering if one day one of them will cause me a massive heart attack or for one of my lungs to collapse. It hasn't happened yet, thus I am sure it never will.

I feel my eyes flail to keep open. They glue to everything they see, including the computer screen. I glare at the ceilling, waiting for someone to say something. Waiting for someone to remember I am here, sitting on this chair. Existing.

Suddenly, mom is drawn into a conversation. She asks me how my day was, I tell her it was fine. Inside, I know it wasn't.

I blast the music through my headphones, watching time pass by on the computer clock. Looking at pictures, at inspiration. I listen to guitar chords and stare off into the distance. Everything comes back into focus when I hear my mom's voice through the music.

"What?" I say, while taking off the headphones.
"Nevermind" She says.
I give her a distracted look, and then return to my usual mouse clicking.

I'm thinking about the Gang. The Circle, and how damaged things must be. I realize it's all due to me. But this is not a new realization; it is something that has been deeply sinking in for the past while. My feelings. My Emotions. I just want to disappear. But that's not even the beginning of it. I want to fix everything, and then leave. To where, I don't know. I feel as though everything is linked back to me. My mistake. My voice. I should have been silenced. It is difficult to feel without pain, because this is something I know well. Yet, I've felt numb for sometime. Numb to anything worth being silenced over.

I think about the guy who was there the entire time, and the girl who supported me through all this. How he tried to fix and piece together everything, while she told me to leave it all behind. They are affected. I know it. They are sick of this. Sick and tired of the same problem that never seems to fade. I'm thoughtful, but everyone could agree I am thoughtless by the way I act. My problems leaked everywhere, even onto someone of whom I did not trust well. Someone I still question and tried to remove, but for what? It's not because I am afraid. I am done feeling afraid. It is because I am done with them. They don't see their faults, yet they pointed out all of mine gladly.

I cut my thoughts up into tiny fragments, thinking they'll eventually go away. But they progress from little pieces into giant bubbles of brain tumours. They grow and grow and grow.

I listen to 'Heart Of Gold' and 'Knocking On Heaven's Door' to calm myself down. Telling myself not cry, even though drops slip through the cracks. I'm singing quietly while the T.V grasps the attention of everyone in the room but me. I focus on the guitar part of the songs, memorizing them by ear. My ears are the doorways to music. My music. My saxophone. My flute. My guitar. My everything. I hear the words fall through a bed of harmonies. I touch them with my lung's fingertips, with every note I hold in my heart. It's my heart who sings for me, and my soul who carries the tune.

They tell me it's never too late. Never too late to try, never too late to take a step. Never too late to forgive. Never too late to love.


"Life is Fragile."